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A few weeks ago, a friend drew my attention to The Sambia of Papua New Guinea. A tribe known for their bizarre initiation ritual of young boys fellating older boys. The sharing of semen is thought to make males better warriors, more strong and fierce.

Not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about this.  The more I think about it, the more interesting it becomes. Once you get past our culturally imposed horror and revulsion over boys as young as 7 fellating 15 year old boys, it seems less and less cruel and perverted. What is taboo in our culture is a societal norm in another. The Sambia believe that sex with women is taboo and the only reason a man will have sex with his wife is to reproduce. He must avoid smelling her genitals at all costs so as not to be weakened by her dangerous and emasculating odors. She has already spent much time fellating him and consuming his semen so that her children might be strong. When he puts his penis in her, he must only put the tip in so he doesn’t get his dick anywhere near her uterus which is the most contaminated part of her and will weaken his semen’s effectiveness. After contact with her genitals he must purify himself through jabbing a stake up his nose and bleeding profusely. Women are inferior and kept separate from the males as much as possible, they are a necessary evil. Even when a woman breastfeeds her babies, it’s considered second-hand semen consumption. Babies are little jizzgobblers. They are brought up to suck dick. The more the men got blown, the stronger it makes the tribe. It’s win win! It’s not even considered homosexuality. Once you are old enough, you don’t ever have to suck any more dicks. You just get blown all the time.

In our culture, the general opinion of fellatio is that it’s degrading for females. It’s for sluts and homosexuals. It’s a power thing in our culture too. Just in a different, less positive way. When a man blows his load, it’s like “yeah, take that you cumwhore!”. Part of the appeal is how much the giver wants to swallow that warm thick essence of their lover. Sure there are also many who get enjoyment out of feeding the less willing participants. Still, he is in a position of power, bestowing his fertile gifts upon the supplicant. He gazes meaningfully into the eyes of the giver as they widen with surprise at the awesomeness of the magical wiener elixir.

Sometimes sexual activities aren’t viewed as purely “sexual”. Rape isn’t sexual. It’s violence and power. The Sambia don’t really look at all this jizz guzzling as sexual. It’s necessary and acceptable. It’s beautiful and somewhat romantic in  a sense that it’s brotherly bonding and sharing of spiritual secretions.

We began to wonder what it must be like to be a member of The Sambia. My friend inquired: “Does a guy sit down on a fallen tree and remove the leaf covering his wiener and all the kids run to it?.. Me first! Me first! I want to be the fiercest warrior!” Do they sneak extra dicks to gain more power? When I asked him if it would be considered cheating to be sucking extra dicks in secret, he said: “The whole village would notice that young M’Bgatu was considerably more fierce than everyone else. There’s no way he could get away with sucking extra dicks.”

Battles with enemy tribes would be mostly forced fellatio. The warriors would be skilled prostate milkers. The battlefield would be awash with semen and drool. Enemies lying quivering and drained of warrior essence. The victors bellies bulging with the spooge spoils of war. The brave warriors return home and share their power with the eager youths as they recount battle tactics and impart wisdom to the youngsters gulping down the supercharged cum.

Imagine if The Sambian culture became modernized yet retained their way of doing things. The wealthiest men in society would be the ones who have sucked the most dick.  The older generation’s most wealthy and influential men begrudgingly bestow their pudding upon those they wish to groom for positions of power. Boardrooms would not need tables. Instead of cocktail parties there would be bukkake parties. A liquid lunch would be literal. People wouldn’t be overweight due to their high protein diets. Food would be looked at as a fuel for testicles (commence with the pineapple jokes).

Among the common folk, popularity and respect would be partly based upon the perceived potency of one’s ejaculate. Perhaps output would be one way to measure this. Taste, color, thickness, odor. So many qualities to be judged upon. Bums with signs that read “will suck dicks for cum”. There would be less alcoholism and drug use. Unless it’s used to increase seminal fluid output. People will pay huge sums to have even a drop of some genius or celebrity’s goo. Black market nut juice. I’m totally strung out on this Thai sauce, man!

But think about how may things might be better if this was the worldwide standard. Women would only get pregnant sparingly and to continue the species. Might there be the same sexually transmitted diseases? Sex between men and women would be totally disgusting and only done by the most perverted sick fetishists. Porn would be only for women. Men wouldn’t need it because why would they waste their nectar on jerking off when there are so many who would readily blow them! Drive thru glory holes. Clothes with kneepads built in. Men’s dicks would be getting so much action that pants would just get in the way. Men could wear smoking jackets like Hef as business casual.

Wars wouldn’t be horrific violent scenes of human death. They would be giant bukkake battlefields. In essence, we have discovered a way to make the world a utopia. The lands richest in oil would be those between belly and taint. No more overpopulation. No more violence against fellow man. Rape would be unheard of.  Children would be breastfed as long as possible and stay at home mothers would be the norm since no men want women anywhere near them.

I can almost hear the feminists getting their panties in a bunch over the inequalities and woman-hate implied in this scenario. Think about it ladies. All we have to do is threaten men with our vile pussies and we can have anything we want. We will basically be living in all female splendor. We can do our hair and nails for the enjoyment of each other. Men don’t care about that shit anyway! We can raise our children right. In a loving and feminine environment. We can lick each other’s clits and have purses full of dildos for whenever we have the need or desire to get off. It will be a chore and a bore to have sex with a man. No jealousy, no cheating, no unhappy marriages. So what if you won’t be able to work in a sexist office environment where you are deemed as less intelligent because of your tits. Why do you want to fight against our differences? Shed your cultural biases. Think outside the dick.

There would be NO SUCH THING AS HOMOSEXUALITY. Women can satisfy each other. Men can suck each other off.

No hate.

No homo.