This was so funny that all of my bodily fluids came out all at once. Not just pee. My eyes started spurting salty tears four feet in the air, like cobras spitting a fine stream of venom. My nose dribbled clear rubber cement type stuff and blew huge nose bubbles as I snorted and giggled. The bubbles didn’t pop, they just got bigger and smaller occasionally disappearing back into my nose then peeking out like curious cave dwellers checking to see if the coast is clear. I projectile vomited thick orange bile with enough force to erode granite in a matter of seconds. My brains liquified and came oozing out of my ears, gray and viscous. My breasts sprayed jets of white hot milk, molten and turning to steam before hitting anything. My drapes are now pressed from milk steam, all the wrinkles instantly relaxing into nothingness. My bowels contracted and my large intestines expelled soft brown sausage links of steaming shit full of grape and corn chunks. It ripped a hole in the back of my skirt shooting out and landed in a coil on the kitchen floor with visible vapor trails rising from the stinking pile. Cottage cheesy goo plopped out of my lady parts, dropping onto the floor with wet plops. Oh yeah. and i peed.
Kelly’s orgasm leaves her twitching and shaking. Waves of relaxation wash over and she goes limp. Amy’s embrace is soothing, warm, engulfing. Becoming tighter and more intimate. There’s a point where it passes tight and becomes claustrophobic. Pleasure becomes panic. Ah, but it’s too late. Digestive fluids dissolve the mucous membranes first, Kelly’s big blue eyes going wide and looking as if about to cry, tears welling up. Instead of salty droplets falling down her cheeks her eyeballs lose their form and begin dribbling down in slow motion, deforming and liquifying. Dali would clap his hands and squeak with joy. Kelly starts to scream. Amy’s amoebic kiss muffles the screams as a fist of blob punches down the opening. Now fast and urgent and then slow and sensual. Pumping and growing. Engorging itself on the liquids just bursting from behind weak thin flesh. Squeezing a ripe tomato, the thin skin tears and retracts into wrinkled red as pulp runs and squirts. Amy quivers enjoying the taste of human cells. Licking and savoring. Copying and reshaping. Ribs snap crackle and pop. Kelly’s bowels finally release, a burst of air. Play-Doh fun factory squeezing out an endless brown tube. It does end. In prolapsed pink and pulsing veins, the inside-out sock. As elusive as it is deadly. Blobgasming, Amy swells and pulses. Kelly juice quenching the fire. Amy gathers herself. Literally. Pulling in and tightening. Pale soft skin shrinking and packing in the loose liquid, now more like a gel. Adipose moves and bulges finding the right location. Every detail, but better. From long silky hair to unblemished supple breasts to tiny pink polished toenails. Amy smiles with Kelly’s white teeth and puts on Kelly’s clothes, humming to herself.
My breathing is slow and even. Eyes scanning for the slightest movement or crunch of leaves. Sitting indian style with a thirty pound compound bow on my lap, I finger my arrow tip and let my eyes go unfocused. Sharp pain stabs through my insides. My breathing stops but I keep still. Anger wells up and a smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. A little laugh makes me shake but doesn’t come out of my mouth. The pain subsides and my mind drifts off again. I remember to keep my back straight , shoulders relaxed. I could sit up here all fucking day. Next time I’ll bring a cushion, my ass is starting to go numb.
One bird is making the same irritating sound over and over. It sounds like it’s saying “this is my tree this is my tree”. That’s what you think. It’s MY tree and I have a weapon to back that up. I carved my initials into it. I even built a nest. Well, a plywood blind. Maybe I should add on to it. Make it more homey. Different levels would be cool. A roof with shingles. Windows. Shit, I should live up here, a tree house with curtains. I could have pulleys and a water system. All I would need is a bestest buddy, Friday. That strikes a nerve. I change my line of thinking quickly to avoid opening up the floodgates. Yes, I should live in a treehouse, but I would need to make a toilet of some sort. Of course the smell would keep the pray away so I couldn’t hunt here, which means I would have to make another blind somewhere else. Unless I could find a way to mask or contain any human smells. Inhaling through my nose, smelling the musky stink of deer urine in my hair. I haven’t brushed it in weeks. There are leaves and twigs stuck in the tangles. I am a wood nymph. Dangerous and feral. And I have to pee now. Fuck, don’t think about it. Wood nymphs don’t need to pee. I start thinking about the climb down and having to walk far away. What a pain in the ass. Now all I can think about is how bad I need to pee, bladder painfully full. I can barely stay still. A sound whips me back to stillness. My eyes lock on to it. A big mama followed by two fawn. She stops to look around. My bow is already up, arrow nocked. Pulling back, the cams silently spinning, string hitting my cheek. Aiming at the deer’s heart. No rush. I breath in through my diaphragm, slowly letting my breath out. I still have to pee. My fingers release. There’s barely any recoil. The doe leaps into the air, fawns scattering. There was no sound.
I watch it die. Hoping it takes a few minutes. It happens fast. I owned that bitch. Twitching and shuddering, eyes confused and wide. Sighing, I toss my bag to the ground and climb down the tree, my bare feet finding the two by fours I nailed to the tree. the ground is so cold it could be damp but I can’t tell. Feels nice. Walking over to the carcass, I admire mama. I pet her neck, it’s still warm. the hair is soft as my hand goes with the direction of growth. I lay down on top of her, hugging her and enjoying the full body contact. I grind my hips into her, and hump her a bit. I’m probably going to get all ticky. Rolling off her, I grab the arrow shaft and jiggle it, blood seeps out. I dip my finger in and lick it clean. I dip again and smear some blood on my cheeks. I begin painting my body with blood. First just finger painting then rubbing it into the dirt. My bloody hands knead my breasts through my tank top, making my nipples harden. I giggle. The blood actually cleans off some of the ground in dirt on my hands. A blood bath! Giggles turning to snorting and laughing. I stop, having startled myself with the sound. Now my bladder reminds me that I really need to pee. NOW! I sprint off in search of a good spot. Fuck it, can’t wait. Pulling my grimy panties down to my knees, I squat. It takes a few seconds and I relish the pain that comes just before letting loose. A hot jet of urine smacks into the ground. I push hard forcing it out. I feel some splash against my ankles but I don’t care. My mouth opens and I sigh quietly in relief, pee shivers. Duckwalking a few feet away, drip drying before pulling up my panties. Grabbing my panties and standing in one motion to pull them up. I walk lazily back to mama, picking my wedgie.
Working quickly, I make a slit and shove a large round rock under her hide. I tie a rope around this and let it hang. Next, using a small hacksaw to de-leg and tying ropes around the deer’s neck, I manage to string her up nice and high from a thick arm of a huge tree. I climb up there, and crawl out onto the branch. Legs holding on, thighs getting all scraped up. I reach down and grab the loose end of the rope, looping it under my armpits. I take a deep breath and jump out of the tree. My fall is slowed by the skin unzipping from the body. I stop mid air with a bouncy painful tug. Fuck. I look up then down. The skin is only half way off and I am three feet from the ground. Hanging like an idiot. I was sure my body weight would be enough, but this bitch has some toughass skin. I kick my legs. Trying to get it to pull loose, making myself heavier with my mind. Slow tears as I go lower. This is getting ridiculous. I pull the slipknot and drop to the ground. Rubbing at the rope burns on my underarms. Fists resting on hips, I shake my head at the half skinned doe hanging from the tree.